"I want a grown up relationship"- Chloe (magkaribal)
I really can't say that I'm an NBSB, nor can I say that I have had a real boyfriend. my relationships in the past cant really be classified as a RELATIONSHIP. its more of a pseudo-relationship. it's complicated. a fling.
I'm really not proud of my past in terms of my love life, honestly I've been with a couple of "wrong" guys. I don't know if my approach is just wrong or I'm just not the type that will be taken seriously or I'm just really attracted with the wrong ones.
For the past 3 years, after graduation. I'm still broken. I know I've moved on. but i really can't say that my heart had been open to a new love. I am hopeful but still very safe. very cynical. but still not that smart. after 3 years I've dated a couple of good guys and of course a series of bad ones. But I really can't say that I've found what I've been looking for. I really can't say that this is it. I know most of us would agree that if we get into a commitment, we expect that its for keeps. that we expect he'll be the one. maybe that's what ive been waiting. i really cant feel it yet.
a couple of months ago many were asking, my family (to be particular) if I have a boyfriend. I wished I have. but I don't. I want to say I have, but I don't have.
I really feel pressured. and hurt, some people judge your understanding and perception in relationships because of the fact that you haven't been in it. yes its maybe true. but you don't have to rub it in.
Honestly, I'm really happy with myself. I get by. maybe if I have one, its really a bonus. sometimes I even think that I might be an old maid. well, I hope not. I hope I'll not be single forever.
as for now, I will really not settle. that's one promise I made. Maybe I'll give myself a chance to feel love, but I hope I'll give it to someone who is really worthy.
All I want, just like Chloe- is to be in a grown up relationship.
xoxo,
Ishtar